{I had no idea that this article would prove to be so controversial. Some guys liked it but I also got emails from guys who said that I am the kind of guy who gives gay s/m a bad name. All I can say is that this represents some of my thinking on this subject - I wrote it at a certain time for a publication in the USA and part of my brief was to stimulate debate and argument. My views have evolved since I wrote it, so this does not represent my last word on the subject!}
This is the Utopian state so many 'Masters' and 'slaves' dream about. It is one of the most persistent fantasies one encounters in that world of so many fantasies - the Internet. And there are many guys, both Masters and slaves, who would resent my use of the word 'fantasy'. There are Masters and slaves who would hotly claim that they live a life as 'real' Masters and slaves. I have yet to meet one that convinced me because, after many years of exploring this notion as both Master and slave, I believe that the whole thing is a construct, ultimately involving shifting cultural notions of what we even mean when we use the words Master and slave.
Recently a fellow Master asked me if I had any advice to give him with regard to controlling a slave without using bondage. This really hits right at the centre of the whole Master/slave dynamic. Without bondage then the first thing to be said is that the slave must consent to being controlled! Obviously if the slave is not chained or tied down he will not obey if he doesn't want to. It is the idea of the slave consenting, which is so controversial in some quarters. Many men feel that it is this that undercuts the nature of Master/slave 'reality'.
If consent is there then we are all playing 'games'. And if it is 'just' playing then is the intensity of what we do not thereby diminished? Well I need hardly point out how serious 'games' can be with regard to the psyche. In societies where war is no longer a reality for all but the professional it may be that we have channelled some of our natural aggression into either participating in or watching highly physical sports like rugby or tennis.
However, the idea of a Master/slave dynamic as being based on play still offends because generally we like this to be as 'real' as possible. But it is probably best to remember that there is no such thing as 'reality' in Master/slave situations - no Masters in history ever treated slaves in the way we do. What Master ever bothered to whip his slave? This is a task that would have been entrusted to an overseer - and the Master would not even have bothered to watch. What contemporary Master is going to be excited by that? What slaves were ever hooded, weighed down with heavy chains and played with sexually as a way of life? These are our constructs where we have taken various elements from historical slavery and concentrated and focused them into a powerful paradigm of what a relation might be.
So 'slavery' is already an artificial construct. I say all this because I have discussed these things with 'Masters' who say they are 'real' Masters but by this they mean they go in for situations which are non-consensual - that is their 'slaves' are not permitted anything - cannot choose to be released, are held against their wills, are whipped whether they like it or not - in fact everything that is done to them is done for the pleasure of the Master only. This is generally the stuff of sm fiction and that indicates that it holds a real fascination for us. It can also work within structured scenarios - but I seriosuly dount if it can work as a way of life.
Although I find this a very hot idea I am too moral a man to go through with it! My slaves must enjoy the situation too... Of course, part of being a Master means that there are times when we push the slave further than he thinks he wants to go at that particular moment. This is one of the most difficult aspects of being a Master because we are on the borderline at that moment between consensual and non-consensual acts.
Let us acknowledge that although we may dislike many aspects of the law - and particularly the laws governing private behaviour - unless we as Masters have an unconscious desire to go to prison, we are better operating within the law as it stands. Both Masters and slaves often love the idea of the 'slave contract' but there is not a society in the civilised world that would uphold the validity or legality of such a document. We are playing whether we like it or not. We are simply codifying our play by using such trappings.
So if a slave does consent then it is easy to control without bondage - the slave accepts his role as someone who must submit, the Master then controls - in my case mostly with my eyes.... I like to build a relationship with a slave to the extent that I need say very little but merely look at the slave in a certain way - or indicate something with the smallest inclination of my head. This builds intensity between Master and slave - it is an unspoken dialogue that ensures that the slave must be very focussed on his Master's behaviour and movements.
For me this is the essence of the Master/slave dynamic - a very intense connection, like an electric charge passing from one to the other. It involves mutual pleasure and indeed one might say mutual intensity and work - and this is why I hate the idea of the 'slave' who simply obeys without feeling or real response, and why I am so adamant about drawing a clear line of distinction between submission and passivity.
I find dog training useful for this - the 'dog' always wants to please his Master and watches him closely, he may be submissive but cannot be passive.... Simple commands, snapping of fingers etc - these are all that are needed to control. When this is done by a Master and slave who know one another well, then it can appear impressive to the onlooker.
I am concerned by those slaves who believe they should live their lives in a state of permanent abuse and control, denied any consent whatsoever in the process of living. I think that the number of guys who imagine they want to live like this have never tried to live it. I have had slaves who had powerful fantasies about life in a cage, in chains, and then found that they were unable to endure more than a few hours - the reality of that situation is that it is cramped, uncomfortable and boring - fantasies are never about being bored. One can travel beyond that boredom into heightened states but few slaves have the inner resources to do so.
Many of the requests I get from men who wish to enter into a life of service and slavery are currently holding important positions or involved in high-powered work. However, it may be the case that their desire for a life of slavery actually DEPENDS on them reacting, albeit unconsciously, to the fact that they have such a job. If they give up their jobs, their state will have changed and very likely the nature of their sexual desires also.
This is the principal reason (not the only one) I changed from slave to Master. I gave up a job where I was in control, highly respected, in a position of authority, to become a freelance writer. Suddenly, I realised that I NEED to control and, no longer in a position to do this professionally, I found an outlet for it in my private life.
Those slaves who genuinely do want to live a life of abuse, without feeling or affection - well quite simply I see them as mentally damaged. They are unable to confront the everyday problem of living and wish to abdicate all responsibility for their lives. Some of them know that boredom and pain are to be a part of their lives and wish to be forced to accept this - but again it remains a fantasy, seldom realised.
Recently a promising dialogue with a slave ended when he learned that I live in a non-sexual relationship with a man - because, as he put it, that destroyed any idea he held about the relationship becoming a 24/7 'reality' - and this before we had even met! Setting aside the reality of the man I live with who accepts me pursuing my goal of 'owning' a slave, this slave, therefore, is a guy who continues to dream about being a slave, rejecting any offers but those where the Master - before he has met the slave - is prepared to contemplate controlling him for the rest of his life. These slaves do not think of what is going to happen to them when they are old, weak, physically incapacitated. And the slave who decided not to come to me is approaching 40 years old, has still not found this 'ideal' Master - and I would be so bold to say, he never will. This is a chimera that he pursues. In the meantime he rejects out of hand the 'reality' that I offer.
And what is that offer? My reality is an intense session - whether that be a matter of hours, days or maybe a week - where the slave commits to living like the slave of his imagination, knowing that he will have to return to his 'real' life - of work, of paying his bills, of doing his laundry and his shopping and so on - but feeling different, charged, and also balanced in his mind, having tapped into deep impulses within him, having 'lived' in them for a time at least and knowing that this is something he can find again when he needs to.
I, too, dream of 'owning' a slave but I do know that the life of the 24/7/365 slave who looks for constant bondage, abuse etc is also a life of slavery for me! In his fantasy he is tended to by a Master, always in full leather or rubber or uniform, magically appearing at no matter what hour, to fulfill all his dreams and desires. I am NOT going to wake on a daily basis at 7.30am, and get into my leather gear, prepare a breakfast (no matter how debasing and contemptuous and meagre a meal can be) and arrive at the door of the cell. I might - just - think about it for a weekend - but no more!
This is not a slave, but a passive-aggressive sub. I refuse to be cast in such a scenario. These are intense feelings we are discussing and life cannot be lived at that kind of pitch. I do believe that there are solutions to this, where a state of 'light' slavery is prevalent, with occasional forays into intense and heightened periods when the Master cares to do this (like those occasional weekends).
I see myself as a life-style Master in the sense that I do not cease to be a Master when I am not in fetish gear or even not with a slave. This is something situated at the very heart of me and therefore, despite my reservations, I too will continue my search for a slave or slaves who will give me the opportunity to continue to explore and develop. I dream of a relationship which is based on a Master/slave dynamic which exists always - but which encompasses day to day reality, a communality of interests, and a mutual respect and affection.
This is the Utopian state so many 'Masters' and 'slaves' dream about. It is one of the most persistent fantasies one encounters in that world of so many fantasies - the Internet. And there are many guys, both Masters and slaves, who would resent my use of the word 'fantasy'. There are Masters and slaves who would hotly claim that they live a life as 'real' Masters and slaves. I have yet to meet one that convinced me because, after many years of exploring this notion as both Master and slave, I believe that the whole thing is a construct, ultimately involving shifting cultural notions of what we even mean when we use the words Master and slave.
Recently a fellow Master asked me if I had any advice to give him with regard to controlling a slave without using bondage. This really hits right at the centre of the whole Master/slave dynamic. Without bondage then the first thing to be said is that the slave must consent to being controlled! Obviously if the slave is not chained or tied down he will not obey if he doesn't want to. It is the idea of the slave consenting, which is so controversial in some quarters. Many men feel that it is this that undercuts the nature of Master/slave 'reality'.
If consent is there then we are all playing 'games'. And if it is 'just' playing then is the intensity of what we do not thereby diminished? Well I need hardly point out how serious 'games' can be with regard to the psyche. In societies where war is no longer a reality for all but the professional it may be that we have channelled some of our natural aggression into either participating in or watching highly physical sports like rugby or tennis.
However, the idea of a Master/slave dynamic as being based on play still offends because generally we like this to be as 'real' as possible. But it is probably best to remember that there is no such thing as 'reality' in Master/slave situations - no Masters in history ever treated slaves in the way we do. What Master ever bothered to whip his slave? This is a task that would have been entrusted to an overseer - and the Master would not even have bothered to watch. What contemporary Master is going to be excited by that? What slaves were ever hooded, weighed down with heavy chains and played with sexually as a way of life? These are our constructs where we have taken various elements from historical slavery and concentrated and focused them into a powerful paradigm of what a relation might be.
So 'slavery' is already an artificial construct. I say all this because I have discussed these things with 'Masters' who say they are 'real' Masters but by this they mean they go in for situations which are non-consensual - that is their 'slaves' are not permitted anything - cannot choose to be released, are held against their wills, are whipped whether they like it or not - in fact everything that is done to them is done for the pleasure of the Master only. This is generally the stuff of sm fiction and that indicates that it holds a real fascination for us. It can also work within structured scenarios - but I seriosuly dount if it can work as a way of life.
Although I find this a very hot idea I am too moral a man to go through with it! My slaves must enjoy the situation too... Of course, part of being a Master means that there are times when we push the slave further than he thinks he wants to go at that particular moment. This is one of the most difficult aspects of being a Master because we are on the borderline at that moment between consensual and non-consensual acts.
Let us acknowledge that although we may dislike many aspects of the law - and particularly the laws governing private behaviour - unless we as Masters have an unconscious desire to go to prison, we are better operating within the law as it stands. Both Masters and slaves often love the idea of the 'slave contract' but there is not a society in the civilised world that would uphold the validity or legality of such a document. We are playing whether we like it or not. We are simply codifying our play by using such trappings.
So if a slave does consent then it is easy to control without bondage - the slave accepts his role as someone who must submit, the Master then controls - in my case mostly with my eyes.... I like to build a relationship with a slave to the extent that I need say very little but merely look at the slave in a certain way - or indicate something with the smallest inclination of my head. This builds intensity between Master and slave - it is an unspoken dialogue that ensures that the slave must be very focussed on his Master's behaviour and movements.
For me this is the essence of the Master/slave dynamic - a very intense connection, like an electric charge passing from one to the other. It involves mutual pleasure and indeed one might say mutual intensity and work - and this is why I hate the idea of the 'slave' who simply obeys without feeling or real response, and why I am so adamant about drawing a clear line of distinction between submission and passivity.
I find dog training useful for this - the 'dog' always wants to please his Master and watches him closely, he may be submissive but cannot be passive.... Simple commands, snapping of fingers etc - these are all that are needed to control. When this is done by a Master and slave who know one another well, then it can appear impressive to the onlooker.
I am concerned by those slaves who believe they should live their lives in a state of permanent abuse and control, denied any consent whatsoever in the process of living. I think that the number of guys who imagine they want to live like this have never tried to live it. I have had slaves who had powerful fantasies about life in a cage, in chains, and then found that they were unable to endure more than a few hours - the reality of that situation is that it is cramped, uncomfortable and boring - fantasies are never about being bored. One can travel beyond that boredom into heightened states but few slaves have the inner resources to do so.
Many of the requests I get from men who wish to enter into a life of service and slavery are currently holding important positions or involved in high-powered work. However, it may be the case that their desire for a life of slavery actually DEPENDS on them reacting, albeit unconsciously, to the fact that they have such a job. If they give up their jobs, their state will have changed and very likely the nature of their sexual desires also.
This is the principal reason (not the only one) I changed from slave to Master. I gave up a job where I was in control, highly respected, in a position of authority, to become a freelance writer. Suddenly, I realised that I NEED to control and, no longer in a position to do this professionally, I found an outlet for it in my private life.
Those slaves who genuinely do want to live a life of abuse, without feeling or affection - well quite simply I see them as mentally damaged. They are unable to confront the everyday problem of living and wish to abdicate all responsibility for their lives. Some of them know that boredom and pain are to be a part of their lives and wish to be forced to accept this - but again it remains a fantasy, seldom realised.
Recently a promising dialogue with a slave ended when he learned that I live in a non-sexual relationship with a man - because, as he put it, that destroyed any idea he held about the relationship becoming a 24/7 'reality' - and this before we had even met! Setting aside the reality of the man I live with who accepts me pursuing my goal of 'owning' a slave, this slave, therefore, is a guy who continues to dream about being a slave, rejecting any offers but those where the Master - before he has met the slave - is prepared to contemplate controlling him for the rest of his life. These slaves do not think of what is going to happen to them when they are old, weak, physically incapacitated. And the slave who decided not to come to me is approaching 40 years old, has still not found this 'ideal' Master - and I would be so bold to say, he never will. This is a chimera that he pursues. In the meantime he rejects out of hand the 'reality' that I offer.
And what is that offer? My reality is an intense session - whether that be a matter of hours, days or maybe a week - where the slave commits to living like the slave of his imagination, knowing that he will have to return to his 'real' life - of work, of paying his bills, of doing his laundry and his shopping and so on - but feeling different, charged, and also balanced in his mind, having tapped into deep impulses within him, having 'lived' in them for a time at least and knowing that this is something he can find again when he needs to.
I, too, dream of 'owning' a slave but I do know that the life of the 24/7/365 slave who looks for constant bondage, abuse etc is also a life of slavery for me! In his fantasy he is tended to by a Master, always in full leather or rubber or uniform, magically appearing at no matter what hour, to fulfill all his dreams and desires. I am NOT going to wake on a daily basis at 7.30am, and get into my leather gear, prepare a breakfast (no matter how debasing and contemptuous and meagre a meal can be) and arrive at the door of the cell. I might - just - think about it for a weekend - but no more!
This is not a slave, but a passive-aggressive sub. I refuse to be cast in such a scenario. These are intense feelings we are discussing and life cannot be lived at that kind of pitch. I do believe that there are solutions to this, where a state of 'light' slavery is prevalent, with occasional forays into intense and heightened periods when the Master cares to do this (like those occasional weekends).
I see myself as a life-style Master in the sense that I do not cease to be a Master when I am not in fetish gear or even not with a slave. This is something situated at the very heart of me and therefore, despite my reservations, I too will continue my search for a slave or slaves who will give me the opportunity to continue to explore and develop. I dream of a relationship which is based on a Master/slave dynamic which exists always - but which encompasses day to day reality, a communality of interests, and a mutual respect and affection.
